Courageous Love pt. 1

Hebrews 13:1-3

Derek Thompson is a writer for The Atlantic. He recently looked into the ways that home design has changed in recent years. One of the things he noticed is that as our lives have become less social, residential architecture has become more anti-social. People spend most of their time at home staring at screens. TV screens, computer screens, phone screens. Everyone can be in the same room and still in their own little world, completely disconnected, because they aren’t even watching the same thing. Each person is watching a different thing on their own personal screen. As Thompson writes:

Clifton Harness is a co-founder of TestFit, a firm that makes software to design layouts for new housing developments. He told me that the cardinal rule of contemporary apartment design is that every room is built to accommodate maximal screen time. “In design meetings with developers and architects, you have to assure everybody that there will be space for a wall-mounted flatscreen television in every room,” he said. “It used to be ‘Let’s make sure our rooms have great light.’ But now, when the question is ‘How do we give the most comfort to the most people?’ the answer is to feed their screen addiction.”

Bobby Fijan, a real-estate developer, said last year that “for the most part, apartments are built for Netflix and chill.” From studying floor plans, he noticed that bedrooms, walk-in closets, and other private spaces are growing. He said, “I think we’re building for aloneness.”[i]

We may be building for aloneness, but God didn’t build US for aloneness. We are built for connection. That doesn’t mean its unhealthy to be an introvert. Our culture values and rewards being an extravert over being an introvert, but even introverts need connection. Extraverts tend to have MORE connections that might each be a little bit shallower. Introverts tend to have fewer real connections but the ones they have go deep. I’m an introvert. I’m not shy, but I’m an introvert. Introverts like me need extraverts. And extraverts need introverts. Because the truth is, we are all created to connect, even if we connect differently.

Sadly, our current obsession with screens and building for aloneness impacts the body of Christ. You can get world class biblical teaching and hear incredibly talented worship bands and choirs every day without ever getting dressed and leaving your bedroom. I mean, when Covid hit in 2020, every church in the free parts of the world learned how to live stream their services in about 3 days. The teaching and music we can get online, without ever leaving home, is an incredible asset. But watching a service on a screen is not “going to church” or being a part of a church.

To some of us, that might seem like a good thing. Because churches are messy. They’re filled with quirky people. Usually, the pastor is the quirkiest. Things happen that annoy us. No pastor, no elder or deacon, no church attendee is perfect. We annoy each other. We unwittingly say and do things that hurt each other. Sometimes we wittingly say and do things that hurt each other. Church planter and author Pete Greig writes, “We are, let’s face it, a community of oddities, a menagerie of tragic rescues, an eccentric collection of broken backgrounds that barely belong together were it not for Christ …”[ii]

How do we combat our obsession with aloneness? Why even bother? As we continue our journey through the New Testament book of Hebrews, turn with me to Hebrews 13:1-6.

It feels like there is a sudden shift in tone between Hebrews 12 and Hebrews 13. The ancient sermon that is the book of Hebrews, sent to encourage a small, beleaguered house church of mostly Jewish Christians in or near Rome to persevere in their faith, to not turn their backs on Jesus as pressure mounted to do just that –  from families, friends, business customers, and the government.

Our pastor has eloquently brought us to an understanding of the glory of Christ and the all-surpassing sufficiency of Christ as our savior; through Old Testament history with examples of those who turned their backs on God when the going got tough, and those who hung in there in faith; and then powerfully warned us of the dangers of turning our backs on Christ with powerful imagery.

And now that flowing language and powerful imagery gives way to short, clipped sentences full of practical instruction. This is the practical application. Our pastor has been talking about WHY we can and should hang on to Jesus through life’s storms. Now we explore HOW we hang on to Jesus through life’s storms. And where does our pastor take us immediately? To community. To the body of Christ, with all of its quirks and hang ups and annoyances. Persevering in courageous faith requires living in courageous love. Look at V. 1.

Brotherly love. We persevere in faith through wholehearted reliance on Christ, and an important part of relying on Christ is participating in and relying on the rest of the people of God. The word for brotherly love here is quite literally the Greek word “philadelphia.” PHIL means love, and ADELPHIA means brotherhood, or sisterhood.

It describes the kind of relationships we find in families, between siblings. At least ideally. Yes, many families are broken, and have damaged relationships. Siblings who won’t see or talk to each other. Others just live so far apart and are so busy that they pay little attention to sibling relationships. What’s being described here are ideal sibling relationships – relationships marked by two things.

The first is a natural bond. By that I mean that we don’t choose our brothers and sisters. If we have siblings, whether through birth or through adoption, we’re stuck with the ones we have, for better or for worse. Someone else made those decisions, genetics and parental decisions. My parents adopted my sister when she was an infant. I was six. They did not ask my input, or my brother’s input, on whether they should adopt her or not. They just brought her in and said, “this is your sister.” And we got a good one. A really good one. I didn’t ALWAYS think that. But she’s a good one. Sometimes it takes maturing a little bit to figure that out.

But we don’t pick our siblings. We have the ones we have. Bonds are formed by the makeup of the family. And they’re strengthened by shared time together as a family. Or weakened by the lack of it. Or resentments not being dealt with quickly and being allowed to grow into bitterness and anger and jealousy, and then divisions and schism forms.

Sibling relationships are also marked, at least ideally, by mutual support. If your sibling needs you, you get in the car and go. You respond to the text. You answer the phone. You don’t necessarily enable bad or unhealthy behavior, but those things are dealt with gently but firmly within the context of a relationship strong enough to take it.

We are, together, God’s children. We are also brothers and sisters of Christ. We are fellow heirs of the world to come with and through Christ. We are siblings in every sense of the word, not genetically, but through our common relationship with God through Christ. If God is my father, and we are all God’s children, then like it or not, I am your brother, and you are my brothers and sisters.

For better AND for worse. We stick together because of our common relationship with God, in good times AND in bad, challenging times. When someone wanders off, we go find them. We someone is struggling, we don’t judge. We help. When someone needs correction, we gently correct. When we need to apologize for something, we apologize. We value the relationship because GOD SAYS the relationship has value.

And we are to “continue” in that brotherly love. This is not an occasional act. It’s an ongoing habit. It’s something we are to value and hold sacred. Something we aren’t willing to compromise, even if it would be easier to just retreat into our screens permanently and not have to deal with the quirks and the annoyances and the frustrations and the hurts.

George Whitefield and John Wesley were two Christian leaders in the mid-1700s in both England and in colonial, pre-revolution America. And while they’re both considered founders of the Methodist movement, and while they agreed on Christ and on the need for people to come to faith in Christ, they disagreed on many other important theological points. Whitefield was much more influenced by John Calvin and Calvinist theology that Wesley was comfortable with. At one point, Whitefield wrote to Wesley and said,

“My honored friend and brother … hearken to a child who is willing to wash your feet. I beseech you, by the mercies of God in Christ Jesus our Lord, if you would have my love confirmed toward you … Why should we dispute, when there is no possibility of convincing? Will it not, in the end, destroy brotherly love, and insensibly take from us that cordial union and sweetness of soul, which I pray God may always subsist between us? How glad would the enemies of our Lord be to see us divided … honored sir, let us offer salvation freely to all by the blood of Jesus, and whatever light God has communicated to us, let us freely communicate that to others.”

We both have strong convictions about these other areas, but we agree on Christ. Let’s keep sharing that and support one another. Let’s not let these differences divide us. In the family of God, we don’t let our differences divide us, so long as we come together to the Father in Christ, and in Christ alone.

Now, look at V. 2. Brotherly love is shown in sacrificial hospitality. The word used for hospitality here is related to the word for brotherly love. It’s the word “philoxenia.” PHIL is what? Love. And XENIA, or hospitality, and its related to the word for “stranger.” The person you don’t know. We aren’t just talking about being hospitable here. We’re talking about LOVING being hospitable. LOVING being welcoming. We’re not just talking about being generous with what we have and with what we can give to others and ways we can help others. We’re talking about LOVING being that way.

Christ Church is a church that, in some ways, takes hospitality very seriously. One of our biggest outreaches into the community, FEED TC, our community meal and our food pantry, in which we seek to share Christ’s love in extremely practical ways, is a HOSPITALITY ministry. It’s about providing food and resources to people in need. That’s hospitality.

Now, those of us who volunteer in that ministry in some way, we all know that there are days when we just don’t feel like going. For whatever reason. It’s cold and we don’t want to go out and drive. We’d rather snuggle up on the couch under a blanket and watch a movie or read a book. There are times when we’re feeling stressed by too many commitments, and we say “I just don’t have time for this right now.” There are times when our social battery is low, and we’d rather stay home, or head out on the river or the lake or to a golf course to recreate. And we do NEED to do those things. Sabbath is commanded by God for our own wellbeing. Rest and refresh.

But I can tell you that there has never been a time when I’ve come to serve when there hasn’t been a conversation with a guest that hasn’t made me smile, or think about things differently. Even if I’m still exhausted when we’re done. We show this kind of hospitality not just to one another inside the body of Christ, but to all. Those we know and those we don’t. Those we agree with and those we don’t.

When another church is struggling, we don’t celebrate, we help. We pray for them. We provide for them. When someone in our own church family is struggling, we help, even if they annoy us sometimes. When someone outside the body of Christ is struggling and hurting, we help. And this kind of hospitality isn’t an add-on for those who have a little extra time and energy, it’s a core part of what it looks like to persevere in our faith in Christ TOGETHER. We look to grow the family, and we do our best not to leave anyone behind.

Erich Honecher was, at one time, the communist leader of East Germany, the communist half of Germany affiliated with the Soviet Union. He was ousted right before the Berlin Wall fell, kicked out of his own communist party because he was so communist he wouldn’t institute ANY democratic reforms, even those his own party was lobbying him for. He was the one man in East Germany hated by pretty much everyone, communists and non-communists alike. In 1990, he was released from the hospital after undergoing treatment for cancer. He’d been stripped of all of his offices, and he and his wife had been kicked out of the villa they’d been living in while he was in power. The new government refused to provide them with any accommodation at all. They were, in essence, homeless.

It was the East German body of Christ, who had been persecuted harshly by Honecher’s regime, who took them in. Pastor Uwe Holmer was in charge of a Christian help center in Berlin, was asked if they could find housing for the hated man and his equally hated wife. They were asked if they had a room in the center or an apartment somewhere the couple could live out their days in.

Instead, Pastor Holmer and his family took them into their own home. Must have been an interesting arrival. Pastor Holmer had ten children, and eight of them, extremely intelligent and academically gifted, had been denied a place in college only because they were Christian. The department of education that denied their applications was headed up by the dictator’s wife.

So into the home of a mother and father and ten children, eight of whom had been denied higher education walked a former dictator and his wife, who had denied their applications. When asked later why he took them in, Pastor Holmer simply replied, “Our Lord challenged us to follow him and to take in all who are weary and heavy laden – both in soul and body.”

The courageous love that enables us to hold on to Jesus together through the storms of life is brotherly love made visible in sacrificial hospitality. And it requires real empathy. Look at V. 3.

Yes, our pastor is talking about those who suffer BECAUSE of Christ. But not just those who suffer because of Christ. Remember those who are in prison, just as if you were in there with them. Care for those who are being mistreated by others, because you too have a body and know what it feels like to be mistreated.

The word translated “mistreated” doesn’t have a great English equivalent, and it’s much more intense than just “mistreatment.” It gets more at the concept of being tortured. Some translations use the word “tortured” here.

Prisons in the days of the early church were cramped, damp, dark, and dirty. Prisoners were given little to no food, and no changes of clothes. And the jailers were harsh and wanted bribes to treat the prisoners better. Food and clothes were brought in by family and friends. But bringing those things in meant being associated with the one in prison. That meant that you were at the very least now under suspicion and being watched. At worst you could wind up in the same boat – being tortured or imprisoned or both.

But again, this isn’t empathy shown only to other followers of Christ. It’s empathy we’re to show to all who are being beaten down and beaten up in this world. Empathy is simply treating someone the way we’d want to be treated if we were them. If we were going through what they’re experiencing. It means we have to put ourselves in their shoes and try to see the world from their perspective. That doesn’t come naturally to any of us. But it IS a skill, not a natural talent. It’s a muscle we can build. And it’s something the Holy Spirit wants to build in each one of us.

Brotherly love, shown in sacrificial hospitality and genuine empathy. These are the things that hold us together as we hold on, together, to Christ. That’s how we persevere in faith and reach the finish line together. Next time, we’ll look at Vv. 4-6, and the things that break down brotherly love. Let’s pray.

[i] Derek Thompson, “The Anti-Social Century,” The Atlantic (1-8-25)

[ii] Pete Greig, “How To Hear God,” pg. 198.